it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
