barbara walters just said penis...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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