you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
