i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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