you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize