I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
