i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
