Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize