Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
