On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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