Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
