can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
