So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
