i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize