I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
