Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
