Will you blow on my dice?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
