Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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