Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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