cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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