I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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