I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
