maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
