all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My cat gives me a boner
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
