Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
