i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
