it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
