Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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