and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
