he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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