theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
