im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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