Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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