I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
