i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
