Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
