Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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