I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
