So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
