She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
