oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
