My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
