trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
