YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
