honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
