Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
