I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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