I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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