just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
