Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
