I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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