go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
