I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
