also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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