Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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