sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize