Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
