Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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