If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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