honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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