he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
