Only a mothe r could love this liver
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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