i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize