You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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