yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
