She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
