kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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