You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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